


Amateurs

by zalacious



Series: The Lonely Hearts Club [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Short Story, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-03 19:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zalacious/pseuds/zalacious
Summary: Harry misses Zayn and wants him to come to New York, but Zayn's busy in Los Angeles and will only be able to meet him in three days, so he suggests that Harry occupies himself with some 'home movies' of theirs.





	1. From the Dining Table

_'Hey'_   
_'I'm sorry'_   
_'I miss you'_   
_'I was a prick'_   
_'Please come back, Zayn'_

Harry had been typing all of those messages over and over again to himself before deleting them and staring over. He missed Zayn.

A lot.

Harry: cool new song

_Really, Harry? Fucksake._

Zayn: I know. Thanks for the support

 

Harry: pff. Don't flatter yourself. I heard it on the radio while I was coming home

 

Zayn: still listened

 

Harry: the other stations were playing shit

 

Zayn: why are you talking me?

 

Harry bit his lip.

_Because I miss you. I need you, I want you._

Harry: I was bored

 

Zayn: take a nap

 

Harry: am I 5?

 

Zayn: then jack off. I'm busy

 

Harry frowned as he read the last message from Zayn. He locked his phone and threw it down on the pillow next to him.

***

Zayn: I fucked a girl who reminded me of you

 

Harry: hi again   
Harry: was she good

 

Zayn: yea   
Zayn: had tattoos kinda like yours

 

Harry: I'm so flattered   
Harry: fast or slow

 

Zayn: slow  
Zayn: like you liked it

 

Harry: I liked it rough

 

Zayn: you loved it better slow  
Zayn: me on top, looking down at you, kissing that special spot behind your ear, moving down to your neck

 

Harry's breath hitched in his throat as memories of him and Zayn kissing, fucking, making love, just being together flashed through his mind.

Harry: are you having fun?

 

Zayn: how

 

Harry: taunting me

 

Zayn: wasn't aware I was

 

Harry: you're always aware of what you're doing

Whether he was drunk or high, Zayn always knew what he was doing, what he was saying. It's just how he always was - grounded no matter what.

Harry: come and see me

 

Zayn: I told you I'm busy

 

Harry: make a plan

 

Zayn hadn't replied so Harry put his phone on silent and went to bed.

That night he dreamt about Zayn. His hot mouth kissing up his thigh, sucking his cock then moving on to bite and lick at his hip bones. He crawled over Harry, licking his nipple, grabbing a fistful of his short brown hair and pulling so that Harry arched his neck and back. His soft cream skin exposed for Zayn's taking.

The dream was so vivid that it woke Harry up. He was panting lightly, his skin slick with sweat. His hand pushed into his boxers and he stroked his already throbbing cock, imagining Zayn's mouth on him doing all the work.

He moaned and hummed as he fisted the sheet covering his heated body, imagining Zayn's thick, lucious locks in the fist of his hand.

Harry's back arched and he pictured Zayn's large hand take the opportunity of the space the sneak his hand under to press against it.

But something was off. He just couldn't cum, no matter how hard he tried to make up erotic scenes in his mind, his body just wouldn't cooperate because of his sore heart.

Letting out an exasperated sigh he pulled his hand out from under the sheets and let it lie on the empty pillow next to him.

_14:00_

Harry: what are you doiing   
Harry: heeeey  
Harry: zaynieee bo-banie

 

Zayn: have you been drinking?

 

Harry laughed into his glass as he read the message and tipped the remainder of his drink down his throat. The alcohol setting his mouth and throat ablaze.

Harry: no  
Harry: only a little because it's cold  
Harry: come keep me warm?

Harry could see Zayn was busy typing so he quickly sent a message of his own before Zayn could hit 'send'.

Harry: you still look for me in people you meet   
Harry: don't you   
Harry: you just said it. 'Fucked a girl who reminded me of you'  
Harry: what else she have besides tattoos? Green eyes, brown hair?  
Harry: was it dimples Zayn? Did that reel you in?

Harry threw his phone down on the dining table face up, and watched for the familiar three grey dots to appear again while he poured himself another drink. He sat back down, dressed in only a pair of sweatpants, hunched over. His butterfly tattoo becoming creased and deflated as if it had just spread its' wings for one last time.

Harry wasn't wrong in what he said. He knew that he was a catch and, he knew how much Zayn still wanted him.

 

Zayn: I'm still in LA

 

Harry: when are you coming to NY

 

Zayn: the weekend, probably

 

Harry: so in three days

The room was so still Harry could hear himself breathing. He sat in the chair wait to see if Zayn would finally cave and come and visit him.

The walls seemingly closing in on him. The entire room was cold, dull and grey - even though sun shone through a window opposite him.

Harry: I'm sorry

 

Zayn: for

 

Harry: I shouldn't have said what I said about looking for me in people you meet. It was crass and arrogant   
Harry: I'm sorry

 

Zayn: it's okay   
Zayn: you still try to find a love I showed you in people you meet

Harry felt a lump start to form in his throat. He hated this. He hated when this would happen.

He liked his fun relationship he had with Zayn, how casual and easy it was to be with him and have sex with him.

But Zayn fell for him.

And he fell for Zayn.

And relationships are never easy, especially when neither of you call it a _relationship._

And now they find each other being passive aggressive at times. Pushing and pulling before coming back together, just to do it all over again.

He quickly swallowed his drink as if to dissolve the lump and get rid of his tears.

Zayn: so in a way, we're even. Aren't we

 

Harry: in a way

Harry had been angry when Zayn left the band. He knew it was coming but he couldn't come to terms with it.

When the time came his sadness turned into anger because it was better to hate someone then to long for them.. So he shut Zayn out for a while.

He tried to forget because so many people kept talking about it - about him. He would try anything to deflect not only the questions, but his emotions too. He would make jokes, give brief answers, shrug it off, anything to forget what once was.

I should probably eat something. He thought to himself as the last meal he had eaten was brunch, yesterday.

Harry: I know I'm being a pest and difficult and just annoying   
Harry: I miss you

And Harry actually left his phone alone and went to make a meal for himself. It was only when he remembered that he needed to check in on a scheduling conflict that was supposed to be sorted out was when he remembered his phone.

Zayn: three days  
Zayn: why don't you watch some of our old stuff to keep you company?  
Zayn: and I do miss you just as much


	2. girls, girls, boys

_**Day 1:** _

_Where the fuck is it?!!?!?_

Over the years, Harry could not explain to you just how many memory sticks he had lost, left behind, broken or simply forgotten about - in another damn country no less.

But this, this one was important. Too important to misplace in case of it getting into the wrong hands.

He stopped upsetting his wardrobe and started pacing the room.

_Where did I leave it last?_  
_Okay. It has a bright orange ribbon to help me in these situations._  
_It's never in the laptop bag because that's too fucking obvious._  
_The last time I watched it was ... Fuck, three years ago..but I packed it away when I was moving.._

Harry frowned and power walked to his study. He opened his spare cupboard where he kept whatever he wanted but never really needed. Standing on the tips of his toes he reached up for the one out of two boxes that were there.

Inside were a few odds and ends, bits and bobs. Silly toys and other memorabilia that he had collected years and years ago ...and there, tangled around a piece of the broken moon man award was a bright orange ribbon, taunting him.

It basically stuck out like a sore thumb, asking Harry, 'So, how much do you actually miss Zayn, hmm?'

Harry went back into his room and got out his laptop and its chord, plugged it in and switched it on.

He bit on the side of his cheek as he waited for everything to load before he practically almost jammed the memory stick into the USB port. He would have surprised himself on getting it in correctly on the first try, but he was far too excited and eager to see the familiar folders pop up again. It was as if it belonged to Zayn and Zayn alone - better yet, as if he wasn't a star in the home movies.

There weren't an abundance of folders available. Zayn and Harry weren't sex crazed maniacs, however they did like to have fun and sometimes, they wanted to record it.

_What to choose,_  
_What to choose?_

Harry scanned the seven nameless folders and clicked on the first one, opening it and finding not only a video but a few pictures too. He had forgotten that him and Zayn had made the decision to do that.

"It's too good to pass up." He remembered Zayn laughing and saying to him.

All the photos were of Harry, drunk in a hotel room (especially on the floor), and judging from those pictures, he knew exactly what video was in this particular folder.

Zayn's laugh filled his bedroom as soon as the video had started to play. It was him behind the camera, videoing Harry sitting on the floor with a glass in his hand, furiously trying to tell Zayn to stop laughing at him.

_"Hey? Listen I'm ... Zayn, shut up." Harry pointed a finger at Zayn._

_"Sorry, Haz, I'm sorry. God, you're so pissed. Come here."_

_Harry made a muffled, tired sound and crawled on his hands and knees - making sure not to spill the contents of his drink - towards Zayn who was sitting on the bed, holding out his hand for him._

_"'M smashed." Harry said once he was on the bed sitting next to Zayn._

_"Yea, you are. Give it here," Zayn said to Harry, referring to his glass._

_"Waitwaitwait!" Harry stopped Zayn and pushed his hand away, making him lose focus and point camera all around the room._

Harry laughed at their slightly younger selves acting a mess. He shook his head and sat hunched forward watching the scenes play out.

_He made sure that he finished every last drop of alcohol before Zayn could take his glass away, laughing childishly after._

_"You think you're funny?" Zayn asked._

_"Think 'm fuckin' hilarious."_

_"Oh, do you now?"_

_The camera dropped into Zayn's lap, getting a view of the boys' jaws and chins._

_Zayn grabbed the back of Harry's neck and pulled him towards his lips, kissing him and getting a taste of the vodka and sprite still lingering on his lips and tongue._

The sounds of kissing were ridiculously loud as they filtered through the speakers. Lips and tongues smacking against each other with the occasion grunt and moan added to the mix. Harry turned down the volume, his ears heating up as if he had a roommate who would find him watching his homemade porn.

He watched how Zayn's tongue moved inside of his own mouth, how he would always lick at the roof of his mouth and he swore that he could feel that right now.

_"Put this fucking thing away,"_

Fucking hell. Harry had turned the volume down too much and now, could not hear properly, thus making him turn it back to its original pitch.

_"No, it's fun. You decided to film us in the first place. What's the matter, H, can't handle not being in the drivers seat?"_

_Harry grabbed Zayn's dick, making him gasp and shake the camera, causing Harry to temporarily blur._

_"Are you sure I'm not in the drivers seat?" He asked with such seduction, that anyone watching would have fallen under his spell immediately._

_Zayn groaned as Harry massaged him._

_"That's what I thought." Harry said and you could practically hear his smirk._

_He let go of him and took off his own t-shirt, throwing it at Zayn and the camera._

_"Ooh, striptease, I like it." Zayn could be heard saying. His hand came into view, touching Harry's neck, dropping to his chest and sliding down his abs. A soft chuckle left his lips as he thumbed his skin._

_"What?" Harry slurred and smiled tiredly._

_"Fucking butterfly tattoo just staring at me." Zayn answered and Harry looked down, bursting into a fit of laughter as if he had forgotten that he got the tattoo._

"God," Harry chuckled and felt a little embarrassed, watching himself like this.

_"It's so fucking big."_

_"That's what she said." Zayn said, sending them both over the edge, laughing like a couple of loons._

_As his laughter died down, Harry fell onto his back and Zayn wasted no time to straddled Harry, pointing the camera at his half naked body._

_Harry wore a lazy smile on his face and kept his eyes closed and he rubbed Zayn's thighs that were on either side of him. "Kiss me."_

_"Where?"_

_"Everywhere." Harry opened his eyes and said. "Wanna feel you everywhere."_

_As Zayn kissed Harry's skin all over, Harry took over camera duties and was doing his best to keep it on Zayn as he tortured him with his mouth._

_He moaned when Zayn kissed over his clothed crotch, teasing him._

_"Zayn, come on," Harry whined and Zayn looked straight up into the camera and smiled._

_That cheeky smile was finally enough to get a reaction from Harry and he leaned back onto his pillows to get more comfortable as he watched Zayn give him a blow job._

_He couldn't stop admiring his beauty. How thick and long his lashes were, how sharp his cheek bones looked - especially when he hollowed out his mouth to take more and more of Harry's length into it._

_"Oh God, yes. I just wanna cum all over your pretty fucking face." Harry moaned and Zayn hummed in agreement, sending the vibrations straight through Harry._

_The camera was then placed on the bed at a tilted angle as Harry's breathing began to get more and more laboured._

"Fuck." Harry's hand snuck past his pants waistband.  
_Fucking lube, lotion. Where is it???_  
He doesn't know where anything he owns is at the moment and pulled out his hand to spit in it before wrapping it around his cock again.  
He tried to match his strokes to the speed that Zayn was bobbing his head.  
There's a mixture of sounds in the room. The loud, pornstar-like moans and his own heavy, deep moans and grunts as he keeps his eyes fixed on Zayn's pretty little face.

_"Yea. God. Yea." Harry grabbed the back of Zayn's head and kept it in place. He could feel the tip of his dick begin to twitch before his lower stomach tightened and he lifted his hips up slightly to hit the back of Zayn's throat._

Just after, Harry's body stiffens, his heels digging and pushing against the mattress as he came hard.

_Zayn squeezed his eyes shut tightly and relaxed his tongue to keep from gagging. He moaned as warning and Harry let go of his head. He laid there, enjoying the euphoric drunk feeling and the aftermath of his orgasm._

"Fuck. Fuck." Harry pulled his messy hand out if his pants and rested until he caught his breath before he could go and shower.

It felt like Zayn was really there.


	3. i walk the line

_**Day 2:** _

_"Remember that time they thought you got a tongue ring?"_

_"Mm, fuck." Zayn did indeed remember and grinned as he fought with Harry's belt, pulling and tugging at it._

_"Fucking wish you did so I could feel it pressed up against my co- AHH."_

_"Better than this?" Zayn pulled Harry out of his mouth to ask him._

"God. We've videoed a lot of blowjobs." Harry said to himself, closing the video and looking at a different folder.

Today Harry's found one of Zayn's old flannel shirts. He's wearing it right now. The fading smell of Zayn's cologne and body wash was turning him on already.

_"Get that fucking camera out of my face, Zayn!"_

Harry had actually lurched back at his angry tone that he had heard on the video.

_"You fucking think this is funny?"_

_"Harry, calm the fuck down!" Zayn said, not stopping his laughter._

_The camera showed a very displeased Harry._

_"You and Louis are fucking idiots! Couldn't do that shit in the privacy of the hotel room and now the entire fucking world knows what stoners you two are! Why was Louis filming it anyway?!"_

_Another fit of laughter erupted from Zayn and the camera shook._

_"I don't fucking know??? Harry," Zayn tried to touch his shoulder when Harry turned around showing him his back._

__"Fuck off!" He bit._ _

_Harry laughed at himself._

__"'S just weed." Zayn placed the camera on the table so that his and Harry's heads were out of the shot, showing only their bodies. He moved behind him and grabbed his hips._ _

__Now stuck in between the table and Zayn's strong body, Harry had no where to turn._ _

__"Stop it."_ _

__"Come on. You can't stay mad at me." Zayn's hand crept up Harry's back until it was in his hair, gently tilting it back so that he could kiss his exposed neck._ _

__"I told you to fuck off." Harry repeated in a voice that was not nearly as strong as it was a few minutes ago._ _

__"How about I just fuck you instead? ... Hmm?"_ _

__Zayn's hand was around Harry's throat now, with the other one trailing down his stomach and into his pants._ _

__"... Fuck."_ _

__He knew exactly how and where to touch him. He grinned against Harry's neck before latching onto it, kissing and sucking gently._ _

_Harry's pretty sure that his eyes had rolled back by now, trying to remember that day._

__He's grinding into Zayn's covered crotch, feeling his erection, turning him on more._ _

__"Still mad at me?" Zayn's voice was as cool and calm as anything while Harry was a mess in his hands._ _

__"Yes." He whimpered and that made Zayn remove his hand from his pants. "Wha-" Harry groaned out as he was slammed, face first against the table._ _

_He sees his face reappear on screen and his assumptions were right. He looked a dazed and hot mess. Hooded eyes, flushed cheeks..._

_...kind of what he looked like right now._

__Zayn's feeling his back, his neck, shoulders, then his back again, his ass - giving it a good squeeze making Harry pull his bottom lip in between his teeth and groan. A wide smile on his face._ _

__"Like that?"_ _

__"Mmmm." Harry hummed and stretched his long arms forward, grabbing the opposite edge of the table._ _

__Zayn squeezed his ass again before slapping it, which made Harry's knees buckle. He does it again, harder this time, eliciting a long groan from Harry._ _

__Harry was furious with Zayn not so long ago and now, now he was like putty in his hands, getting punished by Zayn._ _

__"So can I fuck you?" Zayn's voice is impossibly gruff and all Harry wants to do is to scream 'yes' from the top of his lungs. "Hmm, Harry?" Zayn's grinding against him again, making him feel just how hard and ready he is for Harry._ _

__Harry didn't answer him but instead let go of the table he was holding onto for dear life to undo his jeans._ _

__When Zayn leaned down to press a quick kiss to Harry's back that's when Harry saw the fat smirk that Zayn had on his face. He missed that cheeky Zayn that surfaced so very often. These past years it was just not as easy to get the reaction from him that often._ _

___Once unbuttoned and unzipped, Zayn slides his fingers into the waistband and tugs down furiously._ _ _

___Once again, he's pressed against Harry, and Harry's again gripping at the edge of the table._ _ _

___"Come on then,"_ _ _

___"Not mad at me anymore?" Zayn's teased him many times before, but Harry's never gotten used to it._ _ _

___"No," He juts his ass out and Zayn palms a cheek._ _ _

___Zayn's so soft one minute and rough the next, Harry can never anticipate what's going to happen at anytime or during any situation._ _ _

___As he inhales Zayn pushed two fingers in making Harry choke on his breath. Zayn's slow, keeping his arm and hand still, only letting his fingers do the work. He's got his other arm wrapped around Harry's stomach, kissing his back tenderly as Harry moaned softly._ _ _

___"Zayn." Harry said his name in such awe and surprise as if he's asking him what he's up to._ _ _

___Once Harry felt that Zayn's removed is fingers he's about to to turn around but stopped when Zayn pushed into him, making Harry still and his jaw fall open._ _ _

___Zayn wasted no time and was by no means gentle with Harry, making him moan and curse - being so rough that the table moved slightly with their force and body-weight._ _ _

___Harry bit down on his arm, pretty sure that Niall said he was going to be spending the afternoon in the hotel room, so he can't afford to let another band mate hear this little rendezvous._ _ _

__Last time it was Louis who had strolled onto the tour bus and seen Zayn and Harry going at it like it was no one's business. It was all 'Titanic' style with the window steamed up and Harry's hand pushing on it for support. The next day as expected, Louis wouldn't let it go. He smirked at Harry and Zayn, moaned loudly into his microphone during rehearsals -mimicking Harry - and then tried to play it off as a cough. Zayn had sauntered over to Louis and gave him a pat on the cheek. "Don't be jealous it wasn't you, Lou." He joked with a wink and then winked at Harry as he went back to stand next to Liam.  
Harry pursed his lips thinking about that day. He had blushed when Louis poked fun at him and even more when Zayn winked at him, messing up the lines to 'Over Again' when they tried to practice._ _

___"FUCKING SHIT I'M GOING TO COME." Harry couldn't hold it together any longer and shouted out before he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a strangled moan. He thrashed forward, his hips knocked against the edge of the table and soon after felt Zayn fill him up with his own cum._ _ _

___Harry's orgasm was so strong that he was on the brink of tears._ _ _

___Zayn kissed up his back until he reached his neck and then turned his face to kiss his swollen pink parted lips. "Acting like it was fucking coke that Lou and I snorted."_ _ _

___Harry's not laughing. There was a very faint frown on his face as he looked at Zayn._ _ _

___"Joke about that shit like you haven't fucked with it before."_ _ _

___"Only once." Zayn murmured against his lips. "And it was a little. Just to see what it was like."_ _ _

___Harry swallowed thickly, not impressed at all. It worried him. The reckless things that Zayn did worried him._ _ _

___"Only time I'd do it properly is if I could snort it off your dick." Zayn can't help but grin against Harry's face, pressing their foreheads together._ _ _

___"You're not funny." Harry whispered yet let his forehead remain pressed on Zayn's._ _ _

__Anyone else wouldn't have been able to make out what he and Zayn were saying on video because of how hushed their voices were, but Harry remembered the conversation perfectly._ _

___"I wasn't making a joke." Zayn whispered back and captured Harry's lips in another sloppy kiss, licking more at them then anything._ _ _

___"You're still high." Harry tried to turn his face away but Zayn caught his cheek and held him in place._ _ _

___"Don't be mad at me."_ _ _

___"... I'm not. I just want you to be more careful with that stuff."_ _ _

___"I will. Don't worry. I will."_ _ _

__Harry slammed his laptop shut. Got up and grabbed his phone wanting to talk to someone else. Anyone who wouldn't really remind him of Zayn right now._ _


	4. baby came home 2/valentines

_**Day 3:** _

The hissing sound of a bottle being opened could be heard in the lounge. Harry lifted the bottle of ginger beer to his lips taking a small sip. He capped the bottle and placed it on his coffee table before he picked up his laptop and sat it on his thighs.

He had been looking through pictures of him, Zayn and the other people for majority of the morning.

_"What are you doing, Harry?"_

_"I wanna film us. Why don't you give us a little dance, sweetheart."_

_"Film us?" Zayn laughed. "That's amateur porn."_

Oh. The first tape.

_"No one will see but us, promise."_

_Harry had bought a cheap handheld camera just for the hell of it when the idea popped into his head of filming him and Zayn. Yea, porn was nice, but God did it get fake way too often._

_"I'll cut your dick off if these get leaked."_

_"I'll let you come try and bite it off." Harry laughed, resting against the headboard._

"God, we were idiots."

_"Zayn, come on." Harry laid the camera on the bedside table. Zayn crawled on the bed, a dumb smile on his face and an even dumber one on Harry's._

It's sweet and tender sex. You don't see much except for their faces and upper bodies.

All breathy moans and sweet nothings.

The video cuts for a long time until someone else comes into view.

_"Hey, Lou."_

_Ah. The later part of the day._

_"Hiya Haz." Louis greeted but kept his eyes fixed on his cup of tea that he was busy making._

_"I like this new beard thing you have going on." Harry's hand came into view as he stroked Louis' stubble. "Your hair's longer too." He gently tugged at a strand of his hair and Louis gave him the side eye. "I think you should grow it out Bowie style."_

_"A mullet?" Louis laughed and sipped on his tea._

_"Yea." Harry laughed back._

_"Then I'll dye it bright orange just for you." Louis jokingly rolled his eyes and walked away from a laughing Harry who continued to film people he would walk past._

_"Hey Paul."_

_"Taking up directing now, Harry?"_

_"Duh. I'm ready to make my mark in the film industry." He said as Paul walked past him._

_"Harry, you need to get going for the show."_

_"I'm going, I'm going."_

Harry could hear the smile in his voice and felt himself wanting to go back and have one more show with the boys. All of them together like old times, to end it off properly as a five piece.

_"Hey, sexy." Harry greeted Zayn once he found him in the dressing room. He stood at the bathroom door filming Zayn brushing his teeth._

_Zayn turned and grinned at Harry then continued to stare at his reflection as he brushed his teeth._

_Harry scanned Zayn's shirtless body, running the camera up and down._

_"You getting a good shot?" Zayn asked after spitting._

_".. I wanna have a threesome." Harry blurted and Zayn turned to look at him once again. "With you."_

_"And who else?" Zayn asked and placed the hand towel down._

_".. groupie?" Harry suggested, keeping the camera on Zayn's face and he slowly saw a small cheeky smile form on his face._

_"Scan the crowd tonight." Zayn said before the video cut._

_Harry let Zayn pick the girl that night. He spotted her right in front of them. She was what he liked, long straight brown hair styled half up-half down, great ass and tits, and of course oozed sex appeal as she swayed to their songs. He had told the security guard to tell her to hang back and then come backstage after the crowd dispersed._

_"You wan' a drink, sweetheart?" Zayn - always the charmer - asked, pouring her some vodka and coke. She wouldn't say no. They never did - never do._

_She downed the whole thing in one go. Zayn and Harry exchanged a secret glance, both smirking at each other. She handed Zayn her empty glass and he poured her another drink._

_"You're trying to get me drunk, Zayn."_

_"I'm trying to get us all drunk, sweetheart."_

_"Why are you so quiet, Harry?"_

_Harry smiled at her, not sure of the reason for his silence either._

_When Zayn handed her her second drink she opted to sip on it instead of chug as she kept her eyes fixed on Harry._

_What was her name again, Kelly?_

_She crawled up the bed to reach Harry who was seated at the top and wasted no time in grabbing the back of her neck to pull him closer. "Are you nervous?"_

_"No," Harry grinned at her like the Cheshire cat who had just gotten the cream. He kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth, looking at Zayn over her shoulder._

_Zayn looked at them too. He drank his vodka, neat, and let his eyes look at the camera._

_Technically what they did was wrong. Very wrong. Kelly had no idea she was going to be part of an amateur film, but technically no one else besides Zayn and Harry had ever seen any of these videos. At least that's what Harry would always tell himself when his conscience kicked him upside the head._

_"Zayn," Kelly called once she broke away from Harry. "Come here."_

_Zayn was kneeling on the bed, all eyes on him._

_"I wanna kiss both of you." She stroked Zayn's thigh and got up to sit in the middle of the bed. "I won't tell anyone, don't worry."_

_Like fuck. It was probably up on a twitter groupie page the very next minute she left the hotel room._

_'I just fucked Zayn Malik AND Harry Styles. Details to follow dot dot dot.'_

_Zayn sat on her right, Harry on her left. Zayn leaned in first, kissing the side of her mouth then becoming greedy and and purposefully turned her head towards him. She laughed and grabbed the collar of Harry's shirt, forcing him to join their eager tongues._

"Harry?" Three knocks followed.

Harry's foot shot up, the front catching the underside of the table causing pain to shoot up his entire leg.

"Fuck!" He closed his laptop and stood up, walking off the pain.

"Are you deaf?" Zayn greeted and walked into his apartment.

Honestly he must have been because he hadn't heard Zayn knocking.

"What were you doing?" Zayn asked turning to face Harry.

Harry didn't answer him but instead grabbed his face to kiss him.

It's not unusual what with how they are. Push and pull.

Zayn kissed him back, tasting the fading taste of the ginger beer, and Harry helped him get out of his leather jacket, backing him into the nearest wall once it was off.

Harry raised Zayn's arms above his head, pinning him in place as he kissed him. He could smell and taste the nicotine on his breath, something that he'd grown used to over time.

Zayn fought against Harry's ferociously strong grip, pulling his arms away so that he could cup his ass and pull his hips closer to his own. He pulled away from his lips and kissed Harry's cheek, jaw, neck, chest as Harry moaned and haphazardly led them to his bedroom.

It's a desperate and needy fuck with Harry riding Zayn just like he did that day in the tour bus... But there's no cheeky smiles, dirty words or slow and sensual movements. They just want to fuck and be fucked.

Zayn's grip on Harry's hips don't falter. His fingernails dig into the soft flesh and urge Harry to keep rocking as fast as he is.

Harry's hands don't touch Zayn. He leans back to rest on the bed or leans forward to hold onto his wooden half-sun shaped headboard. It's not until his prostate has been massaged more than he can handle, that he drops a hand onto Zayn's chest, scratching underneath his angel wings.

Zayn loves seeing Harry like this. His lips glossy from him constantly licking it, how his collarbones become more prominent because his muscles have become so fucking taught and he's straining his body.

Harry cums all over Zayn's stomach and part of his chest, grunting and moaning loudly. Once he feels Zayn fill him up, he collapses onto his chest, making even more of a mess and gently circles his hips making sure that Zayn feels as good as he currently does.


	5. Golden

After catching their breaths, cleaning up and coming back down to earth, Zayn and Harry just laid in bed together.

Harry let his hand stay comfortably on Zayn's, every so often stroking his skin.

"Hey," Harry gives Zayn's hand a squeeze. "I got this movie I've been meaning to watch. D'you wanna watch?"

".. Sure." Zayn nods.

Harry sat up and let go of Zayn's hand. Sometimes he wondered what would have happened in his life had Simon not come to talk to him and push him to stay on the show when he felt like giving up because he couldn't do what was expected of him. He would have probably forgotten Harry by now, would have fallen so hard and fast for some other random girl probably ... or maybe not. Maybe he'd still be navigating through life trying to figure out who he was, what he liked, what he wanted out of things.

Harry comes back with his laptop in hand and a memory stick - a different one. "It's called, 'Like Crazy'. Have you heard about it?"

"No."

Harry didn't think he would have but he still wanted to ask anyway to see if perhaps Zayn would surprise him and say 'yea'.

"It's had good reviews, Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin act in it." Harry clarifies with a goofy smile and set the laptop between their legs at an angle.

Zayn nods but stays silent. He doesn't know who the hell those people are.

Harry lays on top of Zayn's chest, his hair right under his nose, giving him a smell of his shampoo that Zayn enjoys so much.

They had been silent the entire time, both watching and enjoying the acting on screen. But Harry still found his mind wondering..wondering if perhaps he hadn't held onto Zayn as tightly as he thought he did, and that's what made him leave the band - slip through his fingers...

Zayn's fingers are interlaced with Harry's and their hands are resting on his chest. Harry pulls on Zayn's hand, tugging him to remain closer as he adjusts his position on Zayn.

Zayn should have guessed that Harry would pick out a film like this for them to watch.. But there's something different about this one and he's not sure what it is, why it holds his attention probably as much as it's holding Harry's. Maybe because the actress is British and he finds himself relating to her? Maybe it's the love story and how it's unfolding, how it's so lovely and innocent and cliché.

Zayn blinks once the credits start. "Wait, is that it?"

Harry hums and turns to lay his side on Zayn so that he can reach and close the computer programme.

"Is there a sequel?"

"Not that I know of." Harry shifts up so that he's at eye level with Zayn. "Why are you frowning?"

"Because it was a shit ending!"

"It's called ambiguity. You decide what happens to them in the end."

Zayn scoffs and wishes he hadn't agreed to watch this stupid fucking movie. Suddenly neither him nor Harry understands why he's getting so worked up over a film.

"Just a movie." Harry speaks softly, like a child who's just broken something very important.

When Zayn says nothing, Harry leans forward, then moves back, having second thoughts. Zayn turns to look back at him, his frown still evident and that's when Harry leans in again, pressing his lips to Zayn's.

"Your lips are so dry." Harry whispers once he's pulled away.

Zayn's licks them and keeps his eyes focused on Harry.

"What are we doing, Harry?"

"Just lying here."

"You know what I mean."

Of course he did. He always knew what Zayn meant... Well, almost always.

"I don't know, Zayn." However, neither of them knew that.

They were friends, they fucked, they wanted each other, they wanted other people too, they didn't know what they wanted - God, it's just so,

"Stop worrying about it, yea? It's fine, Zayn. It's all fine." Harry had moved his hand to cup Zayn's and hold it reassuringly. "We're young. We've still got time to figure all of this out," Harry turned to look at Zayn but saw that his eyes stayed on his ceiling. "Let's just live in the moment for now and we'll see where it all goes and what happens later on because right now we don't have any answers and I don't think they're going to come to anytime soon. Neither of us are going anywhere."

This time it was Zayn's turn to look at Harry, but found him looking at the ceiling and not moving his eyes away from it. They did that a lot, stared at the ceiling. It was always as if he was watching one of his indie movies where the lovers faced some sort of obstacle and romanticised the shit out of it. Harry would watch them so intently on their 'would they or won't they' journey. Zayn never thought that a love like that would make it - not for very long at least. He liked knowing what came next, he was grounded like that and, it made him feel calm and safe.

Maybe that's what they were. Amateur actors in their own indie romance movie. Facing obstacle upon obstacle, not knowing where either of them or their relationship would end up before the credits started to roll.

Harry could feel Zayn's gaze on him and he swore that he the part of his flesh that Zayn's eyes were fixed on was heating up as the seconds passed. He wished that he would avert his gaze before he completely came undone in front of him. He didn't want that, not now, not after the elated feeling of having Zayn in his arms just minutes ago still flowing fresh in his veins...

Zayn felt discomfort yet he doesn't speak because there's so many thoughts flooding his mind, he doesn't know what's what or which sentence to pick out. He gets so ridiculously mad at Harry sometimes. So mad that he shakes and stutters when he speaks because it takes over his every being - Harry takes over his every being.

But Zayn loves Harry too much to actually hate him.

Harry showed him what love was when he was so young and he completely let his guard down and let it engulf him until he couldn't fathom what was happening and for once, he was like Harry. Living in the moment and not worrying about what comes next, trying to anticipate it. Maybe because having Harry by his side offered him that same sense of calm and comfort he was so used to having. Harry was all over the place yet still managed to stay grounded and have his head screwed on right. He never let himself get flustered anymore. Zayn envied that a bit.

As if reading his mind Zayn turned his head back to look up, watching the 'movie' with Harry.

He waited for Harry to say something to fill the still silence around them. He grew to like him breaking the silences around him as they would also silence his racing thoughts. It would make him stop overthinking everything and focus on the here and now and, enjoy what he had in arms reach...and it was nice.

Just him and Harry alone, surrounded by four walls.

Even with his eyes finally off of him, Harry's own eyes were filled to the brim with tears. He couldn't help but sit and think about what would or wouldn't happen next. Would things go right or wrong, up or down. It was always black and white with him and Zayn. There was never any grey area concerning anything.

It scared him how fast time moved around them no matter what they were doing. How they had changed, left parts of themselves behind and picked up new pieces to become something new.

But maybe, just maybe they'd both always pick each other up to bring along because they made each other what they were. Maybe things would get figured out for them and all fall into place later on when they least expected it.

×××

_"I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of **you** , and the gory bits of **me**." -Like Crazy_

×××


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